Just after a break up, some guys are completely lost as to what happened, and, as the post break-up weeks drag on, are left wondering why their ex has gone from being their partner to not contacting them at all.
What’s happening here? The first thing is that you are speculating. So I’ll speculate a little with you. She might not contact you because:
- she is really angry at you and doesn’t want to hear from you at all right now
- she’s got a new job and is off her feet
- she’s got family or personal issues to deal with
- she is respecting your space
- she wants space
- she thinks you’re pathetic or a jerk
- she’s starting a fun new life without you
- she has a new lover or boyfriend
- she wants to have fun with the girls
Or it could just be she is hurting too and wants to move forward some more before she contacts you again.
Does it really help you to do all this speculating?
Whatever her perspective may be, the point of this post is to point out three main things:
First, it does you NO GOOD to speculate about why your ex is or isn’t contacting you. You’re already emotional and not seeing things clearly – speculating about her only adds to the mix.
Second, when you are speculating about your ex, you are losing control of what matters most: YOU and getting yourself in a better state. So instead of focussing on her, this can be an important signal to get you improving your own life first. Let go of what you can’t control.
Third, because you don’t know why she is not calling you, give yourself the permission to choose the best reason for you. For example, believing it is because she needs space and is hurting too may help you more than believing “oh she doesn’t care!”
Her not contacting you right now may in fact be her way of showing she does care. Come back to this article later on and you may get more of what I mean here.
So try not to speculate about your ex girlfriend and what she is getting up to. Let her live her life, as you must move forward and live yours. Later down the track you can contact each other – when you are better equipped to do so.
Finally, next time you find yourself asking “why hasn’t she contacted me?” see this as a signal to ask yourself: “what can I do now to make my life better?”
David
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david@bouncebackfromabreakup.com
