Australia’s recently-voted number 1 dating and seduction coach James Marshall of the Natural Lifestyles is in Prague this week for this summer’s infamous PUA and seduction bootcamp The Euro Tour. I sat down with him at a cafe and recorded an interview which I think you’ll find really interesting on what you can do to re-build your confidence after a break up.
For those who don’t yet know about James, he will soon be in the States for the big 2010 PUA Summit and will do some workshops sessions across US, including a Weekend Intensive in LA on October 1-3.
You can discover more about him and his lifestyle consultancy here. He also offers Bounce Back from a Break Up readers a special 5% on weekend workshops.
Before I upload the full interview, here are some excerpts:
Bounce Back: A lot of guys are googling ‘what to do after a break up’. What do you think about all this?
James Marshall: Well I think the most important thing to do after a break up is to distance yourself from the break up. I’ve been in this position myself, I know it’s tempting to try and use your ex as your counsellor or to try and get back with her. Obviously you had a lot of emotional investment in the relationship and you don’t have anything to replace it with yet. So that can be a hard thing to do but if you actually want to get past it and move on with your life what you need to do is look after yourself.
That can take many different forms. When women break up they move into a nice place, get themselves flowers, a blow-wave, a nice new set, no, a nasty new set of lingerie and get out and meet new men..whereas men tend to find themselves a horrible new flat, sit in the dark and listen to Nick Cave and drink a bottle of whiskey the whole night. This is not the best way to get past your break up.
the most important thing to do after a break up is to distance yourself from the break up
Bounce Back: I definitely agree with you there. For the guys who are at home on the couch watching the football how can you turn this around?
James Marshall: One of the things which happens while you’re in a relationship is that your social world tends to shrink. Particularly if you’re coming out of a bad break up, your self-esteem is going to be rock bottom, probably, you’re not going to be feeling particularly sexy, you’re not going to be in the habit of being social with new people. It’s like going to the gym when you first start, it’s painful, it’s not easy, but you know you should.
You need to start putting some new habits into effect that are going to take you out and get you more social or confident, more stylist, more sexy, so you’re feeling better about yourself to move on with your life.
Bounce Back: One of the problems that guys have with creating new habits is that they’re still concentrating on their ex. This can be for more than a few weeks, it can be for a few months, or even a year. Do you have any advice on how to get off thinking about your ex?
James Marshall: If you need to get something out, if you need to vent something, write it all down, and DON’T give it to her. Please do not send that letter ‘cos you’ll come back to that letter months later and probably cringe. So stay up all night, with a candle, and write down everything that you wanted to say to her, or the way she hurt you, the feelings you have, and then put that in an envelope in a box. Put it somewhere away from yourself and then don’t contact her. That’s the first step.
I know it’s really difficult and often the girl will be contacting you again with this mixture of nostalgia and knowing that it’s not going to work and…it can be tempting to try go into the relationship over and over again. I know what this is like, I’ve wasted a year with a relationship that should have just been left.
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James goes on to say more about how you can lift your confidence after a break up and also gives a completely different perspective as a dating and PUA coach with real world experience of improving his own and his clients’ lifestyle.
Enjoy
The links are through 4shared but as I do more interviews in future I’ll look for a more suitable download page for you.
Please feel free to write your comments below.
David
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